The Character of Humility

Character Leadership - The Character of Humility

“Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts.  It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.”  ~William Temple

Definition:   A humble and modest attitude that reflects a non boasting behavior of an individual.

Arrogance and pride are the opposites of humility. These are the attitudes that lift our self-interests and our self-sufficiencies, which seem necessary and good. When one feels that one is superior to another, even to the extent of the regarding of others with contempt as if they were unworthy of any relation or interaction with us, it increases arrogance and increases pride in us.  It is admitting that others are directly or indirectly responsible for our achievements. Humility will enable us to be a teachable person who is willing to have a good attitude of submission to our authorities and the attitude to serve than to be served.

It is fulfillment and not just mere satisfaction when you can help others in need. In this, it is not about neglecting ourselves and totally ignoring our own basic needs. If we first learn to be orderly with our lives, we can progress into being more observant with the needs of others around us and help them unconditionally. It is not easy indeed to have a character of humility and focus on the needs of others than self but it is worth it.

Reflection:

Ask yourself; “Do I have the character of humility and learn from my mistakes?” When we make mistakes, we need to take responsibility to admit it rather than running away from it and give much excuses. To admit one’s mistakes without hesitation is strength and takes courage to do it.

As Character leaders, we must extend ourselves to other people with humility and what flows out of humility are acceptance and trust from others. In our surrounding, we live with people of different age group and at times, we may need to work under someone’s instruction that is in authority but is younger. Wisdom does not necessary comes with age although it is ideal. We can also learn from the young.

Helping others should be self-motivated and not because there is a reward or a recognition. If we help someone and boast it to others, the whole matter about helping others will appear worthless in essence. There is a difference between boasting and someone praising you when they discover your good deeds.  

The Character of Hospitality

Character Leadership - The Character of Hospitality

“When hospitality becomes an art, it loses its very soul” - Max Beebohm

 

Definition:   Kindness in welcoming guest or strangers without expecting any rewards.

Unfriendliness, Inhospitality, Animosity, are the opposites of hospitality. These negative traits and feelings will allow you to give up precious friendships and opportunities for personal growth through networking, connections, and fellowship. These are rotten outcome of egocentricity, as you only see the world as it revolves around you, and you miss seeing the value of others. With this negative attitude, you will not develop good friendships or be effective in the community, neighborhood, or workplace. 

Hospitality is rendering unto others our resources, including comfort, sharing our food, and friendship. Hospitality is the ability to provide an open house and a warm welcome to those in need of food and even lodging.

Hospitality also means we are contributing to the development and growth of our family, friends, and the community Hospitality is the door to mentorship as without hospitality, mentorship will not blossom and function. We must be willing to go beyond our preconceived needs, comforts, and ideas to provide an ambiance which contributes to the physical and emotional growth of people around us.

Reflection:

Ask yourself; “Have I been a hospitable person?” To make people feel welcome and at ease, we must create a good first impression by greeting them cheerfully and try to remember their names. A disinterested greeting puts people off and makes people uncomfortable. If we have guest at home, we should demonstrate our willingness to share our things, whether it is extra cloths, giving up our bed or letting them use the bathroom before ourselves.

As Character leaders, we must extend ourselves to other people with hospitality and what flows out of hospitality are deeper friendship and relationships. The key to making others feel important is to put others before self. Going out of our way and sacrificing our own preferences will make others feel important. We cannot call ourselves hospitable if we expect something from others. We should extend care and friendship freely without expecting anything back in order to learn the true meaning of hospitality. 

The Character of Gratefulness

Character Leadership - The Character of Gratefulness

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

   

Definition:  Warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received from others.  

Ingratitude, and Disapproval are the opposites of gratefulness. This means the refusal to acknowledge and respond to what others including our family have done for us. Gratitude is an attitude of being thankful, even when we do not see what we have. Although gratefulness can mean thankfulness, or to respond to a favor we have received, it is a much deeper response where our hearts are filled with gratitude for the people who have benefitted us in our life, and this includes being grateful to our parents for their unconditional nurturing. Even when what they did may seem small to our wants, or even though we may not be able to see them.

Gratefulness is what happens in the “dark”. It is what happened when we are in solitude and when we are aware that we need to respond to what others have done for us. The preparation of response to show our gratitude hence happens in the “dark” as we do not show off to others when we want to show gratefulness.

Reflection:

Ask yourself; “Have I been grateful to those who benefitted me?” Parents and teachers are the one who make the most impact on our lives. They need to be appreciated for their devotion to our upbringing. We should show gratitude by showing respect to them and honoring them with correct behaviors.

As Character leaders, we must extend ourselves to other people with gratefulness and what flows out of gratefulness are joy in our hearts and genuine friendship and love in relationship.  Gratefulness is more than just being thankful. It can also be expressed in action like writing a “thank you” note. To express our gratefulness in writing is a good form of action to others. Gratefulness is also about contentment with what we already have. To want more and more of material things means we will never be satisfied. To be satisfied with what we have will make our lives richer as we need very little to be happy. Relationship with family, friends and neighbors can make us happy. However, being contended does not mean being complacent. They are two different things.

The Character of Generosity

Character Leadership - The Character of Generosity

“Generosity during life is a very different thing from generosity in the hour of death; one proceeds from genuine liberality and benevolence, the other from pride or fear.” – Horace Mann

 

Definition:  The trait of being willing to give your money, help or time freely to do what is right and good.

Greed, Selfishness, Stinginess, and Miserliness are the opposites of generosity. Pride and arrogance will be the main driving force when these negatives traits exist. Generosity is an example of how we positively we view life itself. We are confident and positive about life and as such, we gain much because we are enthusiastic and strive to achieve. When we can comprehend this concept, we will become more charitable with others.

Generosity is the realization we have the love for others flowing in us. To keep this love fresh, it must flow out of us. The Dead Sea in Israel has no life in it; hence the name, The Dead Sea. It is because it has no outlet. It has a river flowing into it from the sea, but the water remains there, the seawater becomes stagnated with harsh salts and minerals to the point that nothing can live or grow there. When we are stingy, we become like the Dead Sea--stagnant and lifeless. The living water within us will quickly become stagnant, like a mud puddle with mosquito larvae growing in it, useless and old.

Reflection:

Ask yourself; “Have I been generous to others especially those in need?” Sharing is an important part of being generous. When we learn how to share, we learn how to love and care for others. To give by having a hidden expectation is not being generous. Anyone can do this. To give without expecting anything back is anything back is a true gift from the heart. It gives joy to both the giver as well as the one receiving.

As Character leaders, we must extend ourselves to other people with generosity and what flows out of generosity are fresh insights and wise council from others. Praise is one of the hardest things to give as we are taking the limelight away from us when we give praise. It is worth giving as it gives much pleasure to the recipient and it balances our tendency to criticize and blame. Each of us has talents that we can use to benefit others. Use it fully. Time is precious as well as free. If we use it to help others we would have used the time well.

The Character of Forgiveness

Character Leadership - The Character of Forgiveness

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names” – John. F. Kennedy

   

Definition:  A quality by which one ceases to feel resentment against another for a wrong he or she had committed against oneself.

Unforgiving, blame, being intolerant, callous and bitter are the opposites of forgiveness. When we refuse to forgive or refuse to repent, then we are concealing ourselves from self awareness and this will bind us deeper into bitterness! Unforgiving allows bitterness to be built and continue so that it festers, and corrupts our whole being. Then bitterness becomes our driving force and identity. We cannot allow unforgiveness take hold of our lives!

Character leaders know that forgiveness requires maturity, patience and tact. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. Many a times, people cannot forgive is because they were told to “forgive and forget!” It is the forgetting part people struggles with. We certainly cannot forget but forgiving also does not mean we should become buddy again with the other party. We can still move on with our life without those who hurt us before. We can a choice to either bind ourselves with unforgiveness or move on with forgiving unbinding those hurtful feelings that engulfed us. Forgiveness is Hard. Forgiveness is hard because it demands a surrender of our rights to get even. Forgiveness even demands suffering form the person who was wronged. But forgiveness is worth it.

Reflection:

Ask yourself; “how do I handle forgiveness?”  How do you respond when others forgive you?  Do you realize the generosity of grace that is extended to you that you may not deserve?  Can you also extend such grace to others who hurt you emotionally?  You may not be able to forget but can you forgive? To forgive quickly is to prevent bitterness and resentment from building up. However, it does not mean that being quick to forgive is not genuine. It must come from the heart.

As Character leader, we must extend ourselves to other people with forgiveness and what flows out of forgiveness is love. This should be clear to us.  A healthy character leader is one who puts aside the malicious traits of our natural desire to strike back at people who offend us.  Instead, a character leader will model kindness, love, caring, compassion and out of these flow forgiveness. Seeking revenge damages both parties. It brings pain and not satisfaction, as there is no forgiveness in the process. Two wrongs do not make a right. When we choose to forgive instead of taking revenge, we experience strength of character, self-control and inner peace.

The Character of Flexibility

Character Leadership - The Character of Flexibility

“New ideas stir from every corner. The show up disguised innocently as interruptions, contradictions and embarrassing dilemmas. Beware of total strangers and friends alike who shower you with comfortable sameness, and remain open to those who make you uneasy, for they are the true messengers of the future.” – Rob Lebow

 

Definition:  The ability to change or be changed according to circumstances without compromising the right values.

Inflexibility, Stubbornness, Arduousness, Conceit, and Self-Importance are the opposites of flexibility. People with these negative traits are steeped in pride as they see themselves as the center to everything around the. Therefore, they base all of our decisions on our needs and feelings, ignoring others, not seeing the big picture or being accommodating in order to make the right decisions and go in the right directions.  Being stubborn used to be a compliment a couple of generations back when someone remained true to their principles and convictions, regardless of the opinion of others. However, now, being stubborn refers to a person who refuses to listen or follow reason or logic.

The character of flexibility opens up to the plans and ideas of others, and willing to be instructed and challenged to change for the better for the better of relationships and work improvements. This character will help us see the big picture, how people and events are all interlinked. One of the biggest reasons why relationships and businesses fail is because people do not want to adapt to changes but remain stubborn in their opinion. They refuse to open up and listen to suggestions by others.

Reflection:

Ask yourself; “What are the issue is my life that would improve with more flexibility?” Stubborn means “to be stiff and fixed in one position.” If we refuse to bend we sometimes break and we come to grieve. When we get upset and throw tantrums when things are not as we expected, we have not learnt to be flexible. We must exercise patience and self-control with flexibility.

As Character leaders, we must extend ourselves to other people with flexibility and what flows out of flexibility are fresh insights and wise council from others. To be flexible is to look for the good in some things that did not turn out the way we want. By looking for the good in something rather than the worst, a flexible person usually finds it. Flexibility must not be used as an excuse to follow even though we know it is wrong. It does not mean that if we are following orders we can ignore being right.

The Character of Enthusiasm

Character Leadership - The Character of Enthusiasm

“The feeling of positive uncertainties drives me and excites me.” –Unknown

Definition:  A feeling of energetic interest in a particular subject or activity and an eagerness to be involved in it.

Indifference, Apathy and Laziness are the opposites of enthusiasm. We cannot live life without enthusiasm! Period. Enthusiasm plays a big part in our personal growth; without it, we are not motivated to lead our lives in work and even personal relationships. We do our job and relate to others out of obligation, we become dry, and become unable to absorb what we are to learn from our surroundings. We give up and use all kinds of excuses, such as lack of time or fatigue. When our mental lives suffer, so does our ability to relate our experience to others, and we become ineffective leaders in the society we live in.

Enthusiasm will enable us to overcome disappointments and setbacks in life so we can be positive, optimistic, and keep up our interest, attitude, and zeal, even when things are harsh and not going our way. Enthusiasm is the fuel that empowers and enables a person and gives him/her the passion for the task that he/she has been given. Along with this passion will come the natural desire that we do our best for others and ourselves.  

We often get lost along the way of life. We certainly do. When we do get lost, the character of enthusiasm acts like a natural magnetic field that gives us a direction to move on in life. It is direction that springs from within us and with this; we will have the necessary energy to go on, to fight on and to live on!

Reflection:

Ask yourself; “What are the issue is my life that would improve with more enthusiasm?” To be successful, we must strive for excellence and not settle for poor, half-hearted efforts. If we commit ourselves to this all the time, we will be able to do most or even all things well. Do not get discouraged when we meet failures. We have to view setbacks as lessons to be learnt and pick ourselves up every time we fail and we will get better as we move on and progress.

As Character leaders, we must extend ourselves to other people with enthusiasm and what flows out of enthusiasm are motivation, patience and renewal of spirit. Some jobs are interesting whilst others are boring. It takes great character to treat the less interesting ones as just as important. It opens up opportunities. People like and respect those who are alert and quick to provide support. Their energy fills others with enthusiasm. Be one and live life to the fullest!